When I begin to notice that I am not being consistent. There are no excuses either…
It is reality ~ I needed help!
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Here’s what happened ~ a couple of weeks ago I was on a video call with a mentor. We don’t see each other ‘face to face’ very often ~ maybe once a month.
He offered up some of his time in exchange for some feedback on a program he is doing. Any time I get an opportunity to actually talk to him I take him up on it.
We chatted about his program and then he asked how things were going and what he might help me with. I gave him a quick run down on some issues I am facing with a client and how things are going with Don being out of the state for work.
At what should have been the end of our conversation he said “I feel like there’s something else”. I looked at him quite astonished as he repeated it again.
I knew he was right. He said “It appears that you are holding it in your shoulders. They look very heavy.” I started to feel it ~ the honesty of his words were starting to pull at me ~ my heart sunk a bit and my eyes filled with tears.
All I could do was shake my head. He didn’t pressure me or make any quick suggestions ~ he said he was there and if I wanted he would do whatever he could to help me get rid of that heaviness I was carrying.
I told him I would let him know, I thanked him and we ended our call.
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I tell you this because I have done some much work on myself over the past several years yet I was still holding onto something.
Something I couldn’t even see clearly enough to know how heavy it was and something that I didn’t think was possible to let go of.
I sat in that feeling from the conversation ~ and knowing that I was NOT going to sit in it for very long. I know from past experience what sitting in it will do to me and those around me. I had to work through it…
It was not easy and I knew it wouldn’t be. This process takes time and I had to be ready to do it ~ 100% ~ not hold anything back.
I gave myself permission to allow the image to become very clear ~ the emotions to come to the surface ~ the tears to fall. Then I grabbed several sheets of paper and I wrote it all out ~ every single word, every single thought and in no particular order and I didn’t go back to fix anything ~ it was all there, it was out.
Now what…
I ripped the paper ~ every single piece ~ as I said out loud (yelled actually) ~ “I can NOT and will NOT hold onto all of this any more. I am NOT going to allow you to stop me ever again!!!”
Then I sat…
Allowing myself to physically release it. Then…I walked outside to the fire pit and I burned every last word.
I have since spoken about it and shared what I have experienced since. My mind, body and spirit has needed rest and time and most of all LOVE.
It is important to me that I share with you my experiences ~ I don’t ever want to hide anything or not share something if I think it may help someone out there.
It may not be today but some day you may read this for the first or maybe even the second or third time and find something that can help you or someone you know.
Truth, Love & Freedom